Just say ‘no’ when you feel like it

by Ramesh Menon  

 

People with low self-esteem keep saying ‘yes’ to everyone, keeping their own priorities on the backburner.

 

How many times have you wanted to say ‘no’ to something but said, ‘yes’ instead? Why do we find saying ‘yes’ more easy than saying ‘no’? Think about it. This habit gets into a lot of trouble, isn’t it?

 

In our culture, it is seen as a good thing to agree. Marriage can break or make our lives. But when a girl says ‘no’ to marrying a boy, parents and relatives want to know why she rejected the match. But they never ask had the girl said ‘yes’.

People with low self-esteem have a problem saying that they will not do something. Low self-esteem makes us want to satisfy everyone and meet everyone else’s expectations. Most of us feel guilty saying, ‘no’ — even ashamed. It is therefore not easy getting used to saying ‘no’.

 

But it is not that difficult either. Steel up your confidence, and ask yourself what you want to say. If you want to say ‘no’, say it without lowering your voice or your eyes. Say it emphatically in a clear voice. After all, you are only protecting your interest. It is important not to let anyone ride your thoughts, emotions and actions. Once you say ‘no’, stick to it. If you sound hesitant, the other person might think you have not actually made up your mind, that you are unsure and all you need is convincing.

 

Give a logical explanation as to why you said ‘no’ when you were expected to agree. This will cut down unnecessary attempts at convincing you to change your mind. Do not nod and smile while saying ‘no’ as your body language will send out a wrong signal. It should not sound or look ambiguous.

 

Tell yourself that you are not saying a ‘yes’ because it would have painful consequences. Doing something you don’t want to do might get you short-term gains, but is it really worth it?  Do not wallow in guilt after saying ‘no’. Just move on.

 

If you become a doormat, people will stand over you. That is why self-esteem is crucial if you want to engineer a straight ‘no’. You have to understand that it is not possible to please all. Those who are obsessed with pleasing all, usually end up saying, ‘yes’ to everything. It is their way of dealing with their inability and their eagerness to feel wanted and accepted.

 

Sometimes, we say ‘yes’ not wanting to taste failure. But failure is not a bad thing. It is a great learning experience that often is crucial to our success. It is important to place yourself before the needs of others. This is not advocating selfishness, but the need to recognise and respect your needs. After all, your self and individuality matters.

 

We also keep saying ‘yes’ wanting to show that we are capable of doing anything and everything. Often that gets misunderstood and we find that others keep expecting a ‘yes’ every time. And you keep the act going not wanting to feel uncertain, unpopular, embarrassed and unsure. But in the long run you end up being the loser.

 

So it is important to understand the importance of saying ‘no’.

 

Ramesh Menon is a writer, filmmaker and corporate trainer